I start with a little side note: The advantage of physical work is that it enables me to deepen awareness. Peace of mind? I want more, I want stillness of mind.
Somebody from the blog “theDIHEDRAL – A community by climbers for everyone” is following my blog, and I wondered why. But more interesting for me is that if I started climbing I knew why: One needs to be in the here and now. Focusing on what you are doing is a kind of awareness. Climbers need to focus on every move and action otherwise they risk their lives and perhaps the lives of those climbing with them. They also need the sense of touch maybe more than that of sight. Is the structure I want to have grip on firm enough? Maybe it is firm but if it feels slippery?
Awareness and Creation
How I feel about myself changed on the day I read “Reality Unveiled: The Hidden Keys of Existence That Will Transform Your Life” from Ziad Masri. Being a human is only the tangible form of my soul, is only a part of my soul. My soul goes beyond the restrictions of the human body and mind. I’m not bound to the history of my life as a human. Here and now I can even rewrite my history. Isn’t this lying or betraying yourself? It can be. How do you know that you did not lie or betray yourself when you created your human history?
Humans expect that you have a story to tell about yourself, that you have acceptable explanations for your failures, mistakes, flaws, wrongdoings, or even whenever or wherever you don’t come up to the expectations of another human, a group or the society you live in.
I blamed my mother for a lot to justify my rejecting behaviour towards her, I blamed school for my rebellious aggressiveness, it somehow but not satisfying answered the question “Why?” Not satisfying? Deep down I felt bad about myself, even restricted. Who I was, who everybody was, was the creation of my thoughts, my interpretations, my justifications … creations of the mind.
In the here and now all of this is no longer relevant. In my mind I create the past in the here and now. In my mind I create the future in the here and now. But then I’m not in the here and now. The mind needs to be still.
I’m a Beginner
When I wake up my day opens with a blank page. I don’t get up immediately. I practise awareness, I also decided not to meditate with closed eyes anymore. Awareness is what I want as often as possible: It does not interfere with anything. I can even drive my car in awareness.
Most of the time, unheard thinking rules … in a way it is so strange because it is dominant enough to make me numb with regard to be aware with my senses and feelings in my body but at the same time this thinking is so irrelevant that I can’t remember what this chatter in my head was about if you ask me just a minute later. That’s why I call it unheard thinking.
The Wonder Called Me 