Simultaneously I felt betrayed, disappointed, angry, sad, helpless, hopeless. And hate was the long-lasting reaction, the very first reaction was running, not knowing what else to do, I ran up the stairs of all floors and along the floors until I was exhausted.
Of all feelings hopelessness was not the loudest but the one with the worst impact. To translate the components of my hopelessness.
- You can’t have trust in anything
- It does not matter what you do. I could have enjoyed holidays instead of learning with the same result
- I am dependent on other people. They decide over me.
- Whatever I think or feel about myself is irrelevant
I’m still working on this episode of my life but I understand three things.
- That the blockages afterwards were a kind of protection, an immature protection.
- That I would have needed someone to help me.
- That this episode strengthened other components of myself.
All in all “Now” is the moment in the illusion of time to pick up myself when I was 12 years old and walk a different path. I know how to do it and I will share it in a way which children can pick up. It will need some time but I will continue privately to write for children until something inside me says “This is it!”.
Everything is energy!
The Wonder Called Me 