Too Much for Her

A question of wrong decisions based on an education which was focused on marrying a rich man?

My mother saw the potential of my father when she met him but he wasn’t there already. In fact his success and wealth grew exponentially seven years after their divorce. I was 12 when I saw him on TV and in newspapers: “Rentenskandal”. He uncovered that retired people haven’t received the federal pension they have been entitled too. They received pension but not the right amount. They received less. It was systemic, so he knew arithmetic mistakes in the calculation of pensions were the reason. Germany had to pay the missing accumulated amounts and many pensioners asked my father to calculate their pension to be sure they received the right amount this time. And companies contracted him to calculate their occupational pension schemes.

Anyhow, five years after their marriage they split up. My mother said because he cheated on her. I’m not sure about it. If true, did she play a role? She could be pushy and punishing if things didn’t work as she wanted. Did she reject him in bed? I never heard his second wife complaining about cheating. And in the years that I spend with him there haven’t been any affairs. He was hard working in his offices at home, often over night.

Did she play a role? I did not like when my mother drank alcohol when we went out. She became flirtatious with the men around. As young as I was I remember it like throwing herself at men, somehow desperate. She called it “Wanting to find a father for me” even though I told her that I have a father and will never call any other man “father”.

I did not like how she talked about my father, She tried to pull me on her side against him. To tell her that I miss him, was like betrayal for her “How can you, after all he had done to me!” I thought but did not say it loud “Maybe he did, but he was good to me”. I learned to become silent. It made her furious when I didn’t tell her details about the holidays I spent with him. She wanted to know details about him, his new partner and later wife. She did not get them from me. Even though I also felt bad and sad to realise that I wasn’t the daughter she wished to have. We did not bond like she and her mother did.

Her life became the opposite of what her mother and her expected. No wealthy husband at her side and responsible for a child when she never wanted children.

Somehow I still feel sorry for her but it is difficult because her behaviour towards me was difficult for me.